Have you ever left a family gathering feeling drained or upset, even though you logically know it’s not about you? Maybe a family member made a comment or asked an invasive question that felt like an overstep. While it’s common to say, “It’s their issue, not mine,” that conscious thought alone isn’t always enough to shield you emotionally. To truly maintain peace and joy during the holidays, boundaries need to be intact on all levels—conscious, unconscious, body, and soul. Intact boundaries create a sense of “I am me, and you are you.” They protect your emotional energy, allowing you to stay true to yourself, even in challenging family situations.
Boundaries as a Castle and Drawbridge
Imagine your personal boundaries as a beautiful castle. The castle is your safe space, and the drawbridge is how you allow things in and out. Just like a castle has guards and gates to keep out unwanted visitors, you, too, need ways to control what comes into your emotional space. When the drawbridge is securely managed, you can let in positive, supportive interactions while keeping out negativity. But if your drawbridge is left open or gets damaged, anything can wander in and take away your peace.
If you let in every single thing that comes your way—comments, energy, or even facial expressions from others—it’s easy to lose yourself and feel overwhelmed. Alternatively, if you build walls instead of gates, you can isolate yourself emotionally, blocking out both positive and negative connections. Healthy boundaries function like the castle’s drawbridge, letting in what nourishes you while filtering out what depletes you.
Keeping Your Drawbridge Strong During Holiday Gatherings
Over the holidays, boundaries can get stretched or compromised due to increased time with family and complex dynamics. A weakened boundary can lead to exhaustion, a loss of sense of self, and emotional burnout. When boundaries are too permeable, it’s easy to internalize others’ feelings, opinions, or criticisms, and we lose our connection to our own needs and identity. On the other hand, a rigid, walled-off boundary makes authentic connection difficult, as it blocks out all emotional flow.
To maintain balanced boundaries, treat your personal space like the drawbridge of a castle that opens and closes based on what supports you. If someone starts pressing your buttons or overstepping, picture the drawbridge closing gently and firmly. This way, you can mentally protect your space without shutting down or retreating completely.
The Boundary Tap: A Tool for Energy Protection
One helpful practice to keep your boundaries intact is the Boundary Tap, developed by Mary Louise Muller, a craniosacral therapist. This technique works by tapping and feathering motions to create a protective boundary around your energy field. Here’s how to do it:
- Tap gently for 2-3 minutes on your sternum (the center of your chest) with your fingertips.
- After tapping, feather lightly with your fingertips from the sternum to the base of the throat, up the neck, and out toward the chin, in a gesture that symbolizes clearing your energy.
The tapping helps create a “seal” around your energy, while the feathering motion sends out any unwanted energy or negativity. Use this technique to hold your center when you’re with family, in relationships, or even in high-stress work situations. This simple practice can be a lifesaver during holiday gatherings, especially if there are family members who tend to test your boundaries.
Staying True to Yourself in Every Situation
This holiday season, keep in mind that protecting your boundaries is an act of self-love. When you set boundaries at the deepest levels, you are safeguarding your emotional well-being. Remember, it’s possible to be present with family without sacrificing your sense of self. With a strong, balanced boundary, you can enjoy the joy and warmth of the holidays while also honoring your personal needs. As Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true.”
